This is a place to submit secrets and thoughts about being a female to male (FTM or F2M) trans person, regardless of transition status. Some posts might be triggering.
2047) I have very a high phantom feeling in my crotch, so feeling my packer against it phases me greatly, the only reason I pack is because it phases me even more to look down and not see a bulge, or to grab it to have it placed right and realize nothing is there.
1964) I see my transition as simply fixing the mistakes of my birth defect. I may have a strange anatomy for a man but that does not make me any less of one. If only other people would see that.
1963) I can’t pretend it doesn’t bother me that you are also attracted to women, and have really only been with women. As much as you say you like and are attracted to men too, I can’t get over the idea that if you didn’t like women.. you probably wouldn’t like me.
1962) Sometimes I wish I could just be 18 already. I want to start my transition and prove to my parents that this isnt just a phase. Im stuck with my birth name all the time, female pronouns kill me inside. I try so hard not to get depressed about it and want to just end it all, but I just cant help it sometimes. There arent many people that respect my preferred name and pronouns in my life and not just on the internet, so to those people, and even the ones on here, thank you. Thank you for making this just a little bit easier.
1961) I have fallen hard for my closest friend who is a straight female. I would say that we have a deep emotional connection. In a random conversation once, she responded that she wouldn’t date a transguy, yet still gives me mixed signals which confuses me even more. Nevertheless, I am afraid to ever tell her for the reason that I don’t want to lose what we have right now.
1959) I feel amazing. I found the strength to finally transition. I have an amazing girlfriend. I attend a great university. My parents love me. I know where I am headed, and am proud of that. “Strive. Survive. Thrive.” -Chrystopher
1957) I love passing, and it happens a lot esp. when I am with male friends. I think “Finally!” because I feel like who I am must truly be matching how I present/look. But, when someone realizes after the fact that I am actually a born-female, few ever seem to just let it go Last night a male pal and I were greeted as “gentlemen’ and addressed as Sir and Guys by servers at a restaurant. Suddenly something changed and they started to call me- of all things- MISS. I was appalled, embarrassed, frustrated, deflated…too many feelings to list, and all of the servers seemed to do it, as if once one realized I was not in fact a ‘man’, they had a conference in back to ‘correct’ their mistake, which was then overcorrected making me feel weird. I sat there looking at all the women in the place thinking that I look nor present at all like them. I wish when others realize I am not a born-male they would just let it go or stay gender neutral and not revert to female pronouns or titles- that is super offensive to me.
1954) The length of my binder makes it look like a short, tight black dress. Although it does its job well, putting it on makes me feel very dysphoric.
1952) I’m afraid to get close to anyone because of my gender identity. I’m not out, so I see how they will talk about transsexual people in the media and what-not, and it tears me to shreds. I know when I come out as FTM, I will lose most of the people I love. So I try not to love anyone.
1951) I’ve always liked sweaters, but when my breasts developed I stopped wearing them, even with a binder, because it made me feel busty and unmanly. Since I had top surgery, I can wear sweaters all the time! Today I am wearing a comfy black one my grandma gave me.
1950) Every time I go to the gym I feel both dysphoric and super determined to look masculine. This cognitive dissonance is caused by seeing all the cis guys putting on muscle so easily with their V-taper that comes natural…on the other hand, I feel super determined to make myself look just like them, even though I’m not on T yet. I want a masculine body so badly…dense muscle, narrow hips, V-taper, and broad shoulders are a few of the features I’m looking forward to most.
